Thursday, February 14, 2013

Due Date

Today is a very bittersweet Valentine's Day. Today would have been my due date. Is it weird to remember your due date? Sometimes I don't know if I remember it so clearly because it's a holiday, or because it was my due date. It's incredibly hard to think that right now, right this very second, we would have been a family of five. That's so crazy! It all feels like it happened an eternity ago, not just a few short months. Sometimes it hurts to remember, but I want to remember. I don't want to go on living our lives like nothing happened, like that sweet little miracle meant nothing. But on the other hand, it's hard to make sure I'm not dwelling on it. Not asking why. God has a plan for all of us, and it's just hard to keep that in the forefront of my mind. I still feel a little pierce in my heart every time I hear of some one new that's expecting, or see a newborn baby at Mass each week. But really now that the girls are a little older, I think I'd feel that way regardless. I get incredibly teary eyed every time Gracen or Hadley mentions wanting another baby brother or sister. Which oddly enough happens quite frequently. Maybe they subconsciously remember us telling them? Parenthood is one tough business. This falls into the category of one topic that no parenting book out there can or does prepare you for.

I'm actually kind of glad my due date was on Valentine's Day. A day that's totally devoted to love. Reminding me of the overabundance of love I have in my life, an incredible husband, and two little blue-eyed blonde miracles I have been blessed with already. Only seems kind of appropriate.


Ali said...

Love you Em. Hope you are doing well. I love your blog by the way- read it all the time. We should get together soon.

Brittany said...

Emily - I'm so so sorry for your loss. I completely missed the original post but just went back to read it. I just had a good friend at work have a miscarriage and I was with her when the doctor called to confirm that her levels had in fact dropped and confirmed the loss of her sweet baby. Even though I wasn't personally going through it, I had a hard couple of days mourning with her this sweet life that no one on this earth will ever get to see and only God will know. Know that I'll be thinking about you and your gorgeous family right now and praying for you especially. I'm sure it's hard to keep your head up and keep moving along with life with your girls who cannot comprehend what happened. Will continue to say prayers for you!